Friday random poetry

Lauren, keeper of the Friday Random Ten (or is it Roxanne? I can never remember), has hit upon a new bit of randomness on which to end your week: Rob’s Amazing Poem Generator. This poem came from the post on What people should know, comments included. I edited it slightly, for which I make no apologies.

What is far the Science
educator, I first
took as a course
contained all the atmosphere
Out which end this
in keeping with a different rest
my major religions
the immediate purpose of undergrads.
Let me a few hours downloading a
great organization, devoted to gather up
else if it’s
dogma,
They succeed in the Advancement of this
looking for good information
on science. simpler to be
seeing how science
is that
cloudy nights seem to get an embarassment
in the controversy.
cow methane. emitted from the physics students
to go a long way and come out
as you, but
publicly the real Nobody questions that.

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My favorite aristocrats

Lindsay at Majikthise manages a twofer: saying something interesting and insightful about humor and jazz at the same time.

As you may have heard, The Aristocrats is a documentary featuring 100 retellings of the same joke.

Here are the bare bones: Family asks agent to consider their act, agent says he doesn’t do family acts but agrees to let them demonstrate, [act of unspeakable obscenity, incest is non-negotiable, may also feature scatology, beastiality, emetophilia, etc.], agent says “That’s a hell of an act, what do you call it? Family member answers “The Aristocrats.”

Honestly, the joke isn’t funny. In fact, that’s probably why it’s a perennial favorite with professional comedians. If you can make this joke funny, you could probably get laughs by reading a tax return.

The joke is like a lot of jazz standards. Tunes like Autumn Leaves aren’t that interesting until you’ve heard at least 20 different versions. Once you know that a work is a standard, you can step back from the material itself and concentrate on the artist’s interpretation. The movie features The Aristocrats as told by a mime, a magician, a tumbling act, the editorial staff of The Onion, the animated cast of South Park, and a huge variety of standup comics.

That’s a good way of understanding the enduring popularity of a joke that isn’t inherently very good. The jazz equivalent would be John Coltrane showing off with My Favorite Things — you can hear him thinking, “Hell, I can make even this shlock sound good.” Although I am also partial to Patricia Barber’s cover of Light My Fire.

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What people should know

The immediate purpose of this post is tell search engines where to point when they’re asked about intelligent design. Steve Smith of the National Center for Science Education (a great organization, devoted to defending the teaching of evolution in schools) has sent around an email mentioning a surge of interest in the subject, seen for example in the list of top searches on Technorati (right now it’s the most popular search). So he suggests that people with a web page point to this article on Intelligent Design at the NCSE website; we physicists here at CV are happy to help out, as we know that we’re next once the forces of pseudo-science finish off our friends in the squishy sciences.

It’s an embarassment that something as empty as intelligent design gets taken at all seriously by so many people. Here’s an important feature of real scientists: they don’t try to win acceptance for their ideas by forcing people to teach them in high schools. They publish papers, give seminars, argue with other scientists at conferences. IDers don’t do this, because they have nothing scientific to offer. They don’t explain anything, they don’t make predictions, they don’t advance our understanding of the workings of nature. It’s religio-political dogma, so of course they pick battles with school boards instead of scientists.

In the discussion about the post on doctors below, some commenters pointed out that doctors aren’t really scientists at all. But the point was never that doctors are scientists; it was simply that they were people who went to college, where presumably they even took some biology courses. How is it possible for people to go through college and come out not appreciating enough about how science works that they can’t appreciate the metaphysical distinction between science and propaganda?

But much of this is our fault, where by “us” I refer to college science professors. We do an awful job at teaching science to non-scientists. I presume (and would love to hear otherwise if I’m wrong) that most U.S. colleges ask their students to take about one year’s worth of natural science (either physics, biology, astronomy, or chemistry) in order to graduate. But more often than not these courses don’t teach what they should. For some reason or another, we most often create intro courses for non-scientists by taking our intro courses for science majors and removing the hard parts. This is completely the wrong paradigm. What we should be doing is taking an entire professional scientific education (undergrad and grad school, including research) and squeeze the most important parts into courses for non-scientists. If someone only takes one physics course in college, they should certainly hear at least something about relativity and quantum mechanics. If someone takes only one biology course, they should certainly hear at least something about evolution and genetics. Instead we (often, anyway) bore them to death with inclined planes and memorizing anatomical parts. (Truth in advertising compels me to mention that, as an astronomy major, I made it through college without taking any courses in either biology or chemistry.)

And, most importantly of all: they should absolutely learn something about the practice of science. They should have some introduction to how theories are really proposed, experiments are performed, and choices are made between competing models. They should be told something about the criteria by which scientists choose one idea over another. It should be impressed upon them that science is a perpetually unfinished subject, where the real fun is at the edges of our ignorance where we don’t know all the answers — but that there are also well-established results that we have established beyond reasonable doubt, at least within their well-understood domains of validity.

Wouldn’t you like to take a science course like that? I don’t know, maybe my experiences have been atypical and there are a lot of people teaching courses in just that way. If so, let me know.

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Minus numbers

Bad Blood by literary critic Lorna Sage is a memoir of her postwar childhood in a poor Welsh village. It’s full of memorable and quotable passages; this is just one of the paragraphs that struck me.

Lorna Sage Hanmer school left its mark on my mental life, though. For instance, one day in a grammar school maths lesson I got into a crying jag over the notion of minus numbers. Minus one threw out my universe, it couldn’t exist, I couldn’t understand it. This, I realised tearfully, under coaxing from an amused (and mildly amazed) teacher, was because I thought numbers were things. In fact, cabbages. We’d been taught in Miss Myra’s class to do addition and subtraction by imagining more cabbages and fewer cabbages. Every time I did mental arithmetic I was juggling ghostly vegetables in my head. And when I tried to think of minus one I was trying to imagine an anti-cabbage, an anti-matter cabbage, which was as hard as conceiving of an alternative universe.

The power of abstraction that allows us to contemplate negative numbers shouldn’t be taken for granted; it’s downright miraculous. And the “alternative universe” comparison is spot on — the difference between imagining the existence of negative numbers and imagining the existence of extra dimensions of space is one of degree, not of kind.

To indulge in some pop evolutionary psychology (a bad habit, I admit), I can’t help but wonder whether our faculty of abstract mathematical reasoning is somehow related to the development of grammar. One of the more intriguing parts of Steven Pinker’s The Language Instinct is where he suggests that the important difference between humans and other species resides in grammar, and in particular in the subjunctive mood. We can speak in counterfactuals, and make statements of the form “If X had been the case, Y would have happened instead of Z.” An incredibly useful skill, allowing human beings to contract with each other in arbitrarily complicated ways, and therefore opening up the possibility of laws and morality and all that.

Best of all, it allows for math. It doesn’t seem such a great leap from speaking about situations that are not the case to speaking about quantities that can’t exist, abstracting from a certain set of cabbages to the general notion of “numbers.” And once you’re there, it’s a short distance to negative numbers, and imaginary numbers aren’t far behind. Pretty soon you’re talking confidently about the Riemann hypothesis and category theory, and people know not to invite you to cocktail parties.

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Only Jewish doctors for me, please

Even in a heightened state of cynicism, this isn’t something I would have guessed. In comments to the Santorum post, Becky Stanek points out that most medical doctors believe that evolution should be taught in schools. That brought me up short — “most”? Shouldn’t it be “essentially all”?

Actually, no. The poll results are, from my perspective, horrifying. Some lowlights:

  • 37% of physicians do not agree that the theory of evolution is more correct than intelligent design.
  • More than half of Protestant physicians (54%) agree more with intelligent design than with evolution.
  • 35% of those Protestants believe that God created humans in their present form.
  • Half of all doctors believe that schools should be allowed to teach intelligent design.
  • When asked whether intelligent design has legitimacy as science, an overwhelming majority of Jewish doctors (83%) and half of Catholic doctors (51%) believe that intelligent design is simply “a religiously inspired pseudo- science rather than a legitimate scientific speculation,” while more than half of Protestant doctors (63%) believe that intelligent design is a “legitimate scientific speculation.”

Don’t doctors have to, you know, go to college? I could imagine noise at the 10% level, but this kind of widespread superstition among purportedly educated people is appalling. What is going on?

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Alternating Current

Don’t be fooled into thinking that Internet pioneer Al Gore has been simply experimenting with facial hair while others talk him up for another Presidential campaign. No, he’s been hard at work launching a new TV network: Current TV, scheduled to debut today.

This is no video Air America, a liberal counterpoint to the RNC propaganda machine at Fox News. No, the hook here is style, not substance. From Current TV’s manifesto:

There’s plenty to watch on TV, but as a viewer, you don’t have much chance to influence or contribute to what you see. This medium – the most powerful, riveting one we have – is still a narrow vision of reality rolled out in predictable 30-minute chunks. It’s still a fortress of an old-school, one-way world.

We want to bust it open.

We’re rethinking the way TV is produced, programmed, and presented, so it actually makes sense to an audience that’s accustomed to choice, control, and collaboration in everything else they do.

So, we’re creating a network in short form. Whenever you tune in to Current, you’ll see something amusing, inspiring or interesting. And then, three minutes later, you’ll see something new. It’ll be a video iPod stocked with a stream of short segments and set to shuffle.

Oh good. Because, when I turn on TV, my overwhelming impression has been that the typical American’s attention span has become too darn long. Contemporary television encourages a contemplative, thoughtful mood, and it must be stopped. Far too many oppressive 30-minute chunks of programming to sit through. In the future, nothing will be longer than the length of an average pop song!

In academia, just to take an example, the consequences will be substantial. Forget about students taking four courses per semester that drone on for hours at a sitting — they will sift through two hundred distinct iLectures each week, on topical and exciting subjects of their own chosing, none over five minutes long and many taking just a single minute! Physics conferences will have twenty talks per hour, in which each speaker can choose to show either one picture or one equation. To ensure that the field doesn’t grow stale and predictable, professors over the age of 35 will be hauled out back and shot. And the Harry Potter septology will be the last of those long-form “books” to be popular — in the future, written materials will be prohibited from overflowing a single page. And will be printed in an oversize, “edgy” font.

Also, in the future the only kind of food to be served in restaurants will be candy.

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Gore 08?

Certain corners of the liberal blogosphere, suffering from various combinations of amnesia and masochism, have hit upon the perfect Presidential candidate for 2008: Al Gore. See Marshall Wittman, Matthew Yglesias, Ezra Klein, Atrios, Scott Lemieux. They like the fact that he was actually against the Iraq war. This seems to have blinded them to another important fact: Al Gore is just an incredibly, embarassingly, unforgivably bad candidate. This is the guy who managed to turn a booming economy and the advantages of incumbency into a defeat by our completely inarticulate current President. This is the guy who would dramatically change his style from debate to debate based on what he saw on Saturday Night Live. This is the guy who moved to distance himself from his boss by demonstrating that he only lusted after his wife, by French-kissing her before his acceptance speech at the Democratic convention. This is another in a long line of Democratic politicians will always come across to most voters as 100% irredeemably phony. I can hear the anguished cries of recrimination in Nov. 2008 all the way from here.

The lonely voice of reason seems to be Julie Saltman. More evidence that men shouldn’t be allowed to make important political decisions.

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