Now that we’ve figured out the existence of God and the reality of time, let’s get down to the important issues: please stop putting aioli on hot dogs.
Recently, a casual restaurant called the Dog Haus opened right on the street I drive down on my way to and from work. It’s a pretty simple concept: fancy hot dogs and sausages. As restaurant concepts go, this is right in my wheelhouse, combining two things I love very much: (1) fanciness, and (2) hot dogs. I am precisely the target audience for this establishment. I would not be surprised if some marketer had shown a picture of me in his PowerPoint presentation to the Dog Haus board meeting at one point.
However, upon actually eating at the Dog Haus a couple of times, my overall impression was one of grave disappointment. I had sampled a couple of their suggested special items — things like “Das Brat,” which comes with bratwurst, whole grain mustard aioli, white american cheese, caramelized onions, and sauerkraut. In each case, the offering came across as too bland and goopy to really qualify as anything special. I have had hot dogs at baseball stadiums that brought me greater pleasure.
But I persevered, out of a conviction that I should like this kind of place. Finally I decided to forgo the suggested menu offerings and just get a plain dog and put on the condiments myself.
It was heavenly. Spicy, crisp, lively, and served on an amazing Hawaiian bread bun. The hot dog I had been waiting for all my life.
It took me a while, but I eventually sussed out why I could take the Dog Haus raw ingredients and create something special, but was turned off by all of their pre-suggested menu items. Namely: the suggestions they put forward were far too likely to feature an innocent sausage drowned in “aioli.”
It’s not just the Dog Haus. I’ve been to a disturbing number of upscale burger joints that seem to think that aioli is what one puts on cheeseburgers. (Not to mention “brioche buns” — don’t get me started.)
It is not. Traditionally, on burgers one puts ketchup, and on hot dogs and sausages one puts mustard, in addition to whatever other creative accoutrements one is inspired to add. But not aioli, a garlicky kind of mayonnaise meant for eggs or fish or something else light and delicate.
I am here to inform the gourmet chefs of the world that hot dogs and hamburgers are not light and delicate foodstuffs. They are robust, coarse, energetic foods, and they require condiments that can stand up to the challenge. Something with a kick, with some life in it — not a greasy white emulsion of oil globules.
It’s not hard to see why such an obvious mistake is being made. You want to brand your dogs and burgers — traditionally classified as simple peasant fare — as something upscale and sophisticated. Mustard and ketchup are the antithesis of upscale sophistication, so you peer into your list of French condiments and see what comes up. (Whatever appears first in alphabetical order, apparently.)
The solution is equally obvious: better-quality mustard and ketchup. The Dog Haus even has such things, which explains why it’s not hard to build a memorable dog all by yourself, if you don’t make the mistake of letting them do it for you.
I will close with a picture of Joël Robuchon, one of the greatest chefs of our age, eating at In-And-Out Burger. I bet he was sad that “animal-style” burgers involve Thousand Island dressing.
‘Now that the question of God is settled, we can proceed with the following inquiry. When God hath punished Adam and Eve and the Serpent for their transgression in the Garden of Eden, and He cursed the Serpent “and dust you shall eat all the days of your life,” did that curse have anything to do with the fact that Americans today indulge in hot dogs, hamburgers, Hershey chocolate, buns with the consistency of cotton wool, and such, congratulating themselves that nothing in the world can possibly taste better?’
I think the eating dust thing was pitched at the serpent rather than Americans. Personally I don’t see the one as a manifestation of the other. However your question may be related to one my daughter just asked us: “If Adam and Eve hadn’t disobeyed God, would we still have to go to the supermarket?”
Sometimes my grasp on theology is just not what it needs to be.
Anyway it’s good to see some females commenting, I was starting to think physics and the philosophy of science were male dominated domains.
Oops
When I first saw this post I thought you meant areola and wondered how you put that on a hot dog.
Best to stick to simple things like time and entropy and leave condiments to the deep thinkers.
Two words: “Chicago Style.”
I agree completely. If there are any objective moral or platonic truths, one of them must be that putting exotic sauces with fancy names like “aioli” on hot dogs is just wrong.
All sounds ‘very california’ to me.
Here in NY I discovered the Dietz and Watson brand when I joined the local BJ’s. Nice crunchy dog with nice flavor on the BBQ.
@Sean and other Pasadena locals:
Have you tried the newly opened Das Wolfskopf on Fair Oaks? They put aioli on the schnitzel (probably an abomination to a German), but not on the sausages, and they make their own mustards (so they say). They do have kale salad on the menu, but apparently that’s now required to get a restaurant license.
I thought the food was decent (for a bar) and they offer an unusual selection of beers.
English Mustard, Sean, not the French varieties! Keep it simple and hot.
I agree with your aioli complaints. For some time I have thought aioli was a fad, but its persistence has caused me to consider perhaps it is a conspiracy.
I am from Valencia, Spain, the land of the “All-i-oli”, what in Catalan language means “Garlic and Olive Oil”. The only ingredients of the “All-i-oli” are garlic, olive oil and a bit of salt. It is difficult to get the almost translucent golden colloid made and hold without experience and the right instruments (a large ceramic mortar and a wooden handle), and many people and restaurants choose to add egg yellow. Worse, most actually just add a bit of garlic to regular mayonaisse and call it all-i-oli. It has a lot of garlic and it is nothing bland or delicate. It is very strong, probably too strong for the regular American taste (the olive oil regularly sold at the American markets is already tasteless). It is used to flavour roasted meats with very strong flavor, such as lamb. It also makes a good sauce to paint the meat before roasting. It can be eaten with fried or boiled potatoes. It also makes a good ingredient for stews or casseroles that start with frying meat or fish a bit. Nobody in the Mediterranean coast would think of dipping eggs or fish in all-i-oli and loosing all the taste of these delicate foods. Couples may need to eat all-i-oli in synchrony. In this modern times, All-i-oli is not served in the restaurants of my land saturday night. Try real all-i-oli with a strong roast, and wash it down with red wine. You would enjoy it. Perhaps it is good with a hot-dog, although I believe the hot- dog is too tasteless and bland for the all-i-oli. Best wishes.
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The picture above did not paste but all over Chicago, one see the following sign at hot dog kiosks:
NOTICE It is considered bad manners and harmful to your taste buds to put ketchup on your hot dog with the city limits of Chicago.
“NOTICE It is considered bad manners and harmful to your taste buds to put ketchup on your hot dog within the city limits of Chicago.”
I have a feeling that the sign will be changed to:
“NOTICE It is against human nature and you will be shot on site if you put aioli on your hot dog within the city limits of Chicago.”
As per Toni’s comments above Alioli is not for the faint hearted. It usually has a more consistent look than the one in the photo, it is used in red meats, rice dishes, etc. In fact I was at my sister’s wedding on Friday last week in Alicante, Spain and there was alioli to go along the fillet steak and the arroz a banda. Yummy, hot and delicious 🙂
On another note, Alioli is not French but Catalan 🙂
At last, a post that I completely understand, agree with and can be reproduced. Science is wonderful.
Different Dogs
I’ve been wanting to comment here since this thread first appeared.
Hot dogs are one of the great foods without a doubt.
For me there have been a few standout hot dogs. The first was from the canteen at design school. This hot dog was special as it involved (involved is the right term here) a saveloy that was fully twice the length of the bun. That was it. It was unique and rude enough to feature in an award design project where the challenge was to construct an all natural material offering to a God which contained one foreign object. In the best presentation that foreign object was a half eaten canteen dog suspended by twine in the middle of the art work, just hangin there.
The second was from an Australian legend, Harry’s Cafe de Wheels. Harry’s food cart was originally near Kings Cross right outside the Garden Island Naval Dockyards. The food wasn’t such a culniary spectacle as it was a situational treat. Harry’s food always tasted best at 2.00 am on the way home from so many events. At that time on a warm early morning there would easily be a hundred people milling around, talking and eating. It was a typical Sydney casual fun experience.
The third and most memorable hot dog was in Christchurch NZ where in the “Square” there was a hot dog shop that produced a steamed hot dog. This was awesome as every element contributed to a wonderful eating experience. The bun was steamed the sav was well crafted and steamed, and the topping was a sweet tomato and chopped onion chutney that was a perfect flavour match. If fat cells had memory I’m sure there would still a complete Square Dog recoverable from my blubber.
I am always open to a new Hot Dog experience, so in Prague last week I spied a hot dog stand on Na Prikope (a street not far from the main railway station) and made a point of giving it a try. They had at least 10 different “designs” from the simple to the most extreme that one could not possibly eat without needing a bath soon after. I went for simple with the Wencelas Bagette. Under construction it was looking pretty plain, a long sausage (turned out to be a kransky thin) in a bun which looked like it would be stale, then the surprise came with the whole assembly being toasted in a two plate sandwich grill. The end result with sauce and mustard was fantastic. I’m craving another.