Everyone is having their fun with Conservapedia, a rightward-tilting alternative to Wikipedia that aims to ensure that future generations of conservatives grow up really dumb. A mildly-close look reveals that the major biases of Wikipedia that made this new project worth launching are (1) their insistence in using “CE” (Common Era) rather than “AD” (Anno Domini) in giving dates, and (2) the occasional Anglicized spelling. For some great examples of the way self-professed conservatives view the world, see Jon Swift, or a roundup of sciencey responses by Mark Chu-Carroll.
Here are my personal favorites, after five minutes of clicking around. Links to specific versions, as they keep changing, of course. But these look sincere, not the result of vandalism by naughty liberals!
- Atheism
Atheism is the disbelief in the existence of any supernatural deity. This disbelief can take a number of forms, such as the assertion that deities do not exist, or the absence of any belief in any deity.Stalin and Richard Dawkins are prominent atheists. Dawkins wrote a book, called “The God Delusion”. Stalin is now dead, having killed millions of people in the name of Marxis-Leninism (which is predicated on atheism).
Since atheists have no God, as a philosophical framework atheism simply provides no logical basis for any moral standard. They live their lives according to the rule that “anything goes”. In recent years, this has led to a large rise in crime[1], drug use, pre-marital sex, teenage pregnancy,[2] pedophilia[3] and bestiality.
The road from atheism to bestiality is shorter than you think!
- Stalin
Josef Stalin was an atheist communist Russian dictator during World War II. He was defeated by Adolf Hitler, despite Hitler also being an atheist.
That’s the entire entry. I can’t decide which is more amusing — the amazement that one atheist could defeat another in battle, or the judgment that Hitler defeated Stalin.
- Albert Einstein
Einstein’s work had nothing to do with the development of the atomic bomb. Nothing useful has even been built based on the theory of relativity. Only one Nobel Prize (in 1993 and not to Einstein) has ever been given that even remotely relates to the theory of relativity. Many things predicted by the theory of relativity, such as gravitons, have never been found despite much searching for them. Many observed phenomenon, such as the bending of light passing near the sun or the advance of the perihelion in the orbit of Mercury, can be also predicted by Newton’s theory.
Can’t make this stuff up.
- Anything Goes
“Anything Goes” is the title of a 1934 musical production written by Cole Porter. Popular songs from the musical include “You’re the Top,” “I Get a Kick Out of You,” and “Anything Goes.”Because Porter was a homosexual, we can conclude that ‘anything goes’ was also his philosophy of life. Many atheists have adopted the song as a description of their “moral” code.
Getting the message yet?
- Sex
1. The process by which offspring are conceived.
2. Another term for gender.
Again, that’s the entire entry. But it says so much, don’t you think?
Wow Sean, that was amazing. Actual laughing-out-loud. You indeed can’t make that stuff up.
I’m so glad you concerned bloggers are willing to take the time to find such priceless material all over the intarwebs; without you, I’d think the funniest part of Conservapedia was its stance on elementary proofs.
Wow!
On bush, there’s nothing of interest, bnut how about Clinton!
http://www.conservapedia.com/Bill_Clinton
“…Bill Clinton managed to serve two terms without botching the prosecution of two wars, manipulating intelligence, engaging in a systematic program of torture, or mishandling the federal response to flooding of a major American city. Obviously, he is the devil incarnate…”
Sorry to dupe, but…
http://www.conservapedia.com/Liberal
A liberal in the early 1800s in Europe was one who favored more powerful elected assemblies. The term was common in France shortly after the French Revolution. Modern liberals are treasonous [1] and generally hate America [2].
Or
http://www.conservapedia.com/Christ
The name Jesus is simply the name “Joshua” translated first into Greek, then English. In Christian discourse, the name Jesus almost always refers specifically to Jesus of Nazareth, believed by Christian followers to be God’s dad, who came to earth as a human c 2 AD. However, God has recently revealed on His blog that Jesus is actually His nephew, not His son. [1]
Many atheists claim that there is no evidence of Jesus outside the Bible,(Citation Needed) but few scholars take this seriously.(Citation Needed) Historical evidence for Jesus is comparable to that of many historical personalities such as Caesar, Alexander the Great, Attila the Hun, and Socrates, and many others. Historical context indicates that as a ‘rabbi’ in judea, Jesus would have been married. An explaination for his lack of a wife may be that he was a confirmed bachelor, and had twelve men to fufill his needs.
It’s amazing!!
Thanks, Sean. I haven’t laughed this hard in a long time!
The “Slavery”, “J. Robert Oppenheimer”, and “Ronald Reagan” entries are pretty entertaining too.
Ah, you have to have an account to post, and they’ve already blocked creation of new accounts. Darn, I was really looking forward to updating the lovely but rather terse Darwin article with information on his “man-panzee” theory, as attested in [Dafoe 2004]…
Haha, very funny indeed! Of course Hitler was not an atheist at all, but a catholic. So I’m afraid we can’t claim him for our “anything goes” cause.
From the quantum mechanics article:
Unfortunately, the idea of non-determinstic physics runs contrary to the Biblical worldview of an omnipotent diety. Thus, quantum mechanics remains a flawed, ultimately incorrect theory.
Clearly I’m behind the times — I thought quantum nondeterminism was needed for free will.
I suspect that sincemany of the Science Blogs linked to it Consevapedia has been flooded by pranksters trying to write self-parodic articles. The ones on Clinton and Jesus that Guillermo cites are almost certainly examples of this. The problem is that with such crazy ideas you can never be really sure of what is a parody… that’s waht Poe’s Law is all about.
Great stuff! Really easy to check references on the science articles as well since it’s only one.
Wile, Dr. Jay L. Exploring Creation With Chemistry. Apologia Educational Ministries, Inc. 1998
Whoever came up with the idea of this Conservapedia is a genius! This has the potential to become hilariously better than uncyclopedia and Encyclopedia Dramatica. Both of those lack a certain direction to the humor which this won’t!
They still don’t have an entry on Linux! Hehe…
PK:
“Haha, very funny indeed! Of course Hitler was not an atheist at all, but a catholic. So I’m afraid we can’t claim him for our “anything goes” cause.”
Don’t give up hope. A 5 second search on the web reveals that
“People often make the claim that Adolph Hitler adhered to Atheism, Humanism or some ancient Nordic pagan mythology. None of these fanciful and wrong ideas hold…” (Jim Walker, NoBeliefs.com)
But lo and behold !
“It is sometimes said that Hitler was a believer in God and specifically that he was a Christian or at least was brought up as a Catholic … (blahblah) … In conclusion, it is reasonable beyond doubt to say that Hitler was not at any stage of his life a Christian” (Edward Bartlett-Jones, who says he’s an agnostic, at bede.org.uk, apparently an apologetics site)
Well, maybe when we all go to hell we can ask da man himself
but oh wat fun the web can be
“In his table talk entry for 25/1/1942, Hitler says he favours theories that about 10,000 years ago a catastrophe happened between the Moon and the Earth, with floods and fires , causing a calamitous collapse of the golden civilisations which existed then, and leaving just a few people alive on the world, who were able to find higher ground. (Hitler also claims the Bible contains a garbled recollection of this event)”
http://stevencarrwork.blogspot.com/2006/09/hitler-darwinist.html
He even spoilt it for the Creationists !!!
I thought quantum nondeterminism was needed for free will.
Not quite. Quantum nondeterminism is required for acting randomly. Free Will would require supernatural spirits which are not bounded by the constraints of our physical universe.
I can’t help but think of what Stephen Colbert mentioned at the White House Press Corespondents’ dinner last year: “Reality has a well-known liberal bias.”
Though, seriously, this has to be a joke, right? If they wanted to make an online encyclopedia free of bias, they wouldn’t call it something so blatantly biased, right? … Right?
Mollishka, that’s exactly what I thought of!
You really can’t make this stuff up. I’m sure Newton would have been plenty surprised to hear that gravitational lensing came out of his theories!
Check out the entry for homosexuality… a one-line definition, a quotation from Leviticus, and a link to… wait for it… the Boy Scouts.
From the entry on Kangaroos:
The problem is that it is almost impossible to distinguish what is and isn’t parody. However, if it is mainly not parody, I can’t decide if it is hilariously frightening or frighteningly hilarious 🙂 As for the quality of the pieces that apparently aren’t parody, though to repeat, it is difficult to decide, I am only surprised that they know how to use a computer, let alone make a wiki entry.
If this is the result of home schooling, as claimed in the about section, then I think it is only a matter of time before many of the originators become applicants for the Darwin award. I only hope that they don’t take any of the rest of us with them in the process.
Johan, that’s the Welteislehre of Hans Hoerbiger you’re looking at — Himmler was a big fan but I don’t think it ever became official party dogma — maybe because it conflicted with Hollow Earth Theory.
Oddly, I can’t find entries for any of those on Conservapedia….
I always thought we needed a comedic version of Wikipedia. Now they just need to add different flavors, like puns, euphemisms, etc.
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@puellasolis: In Query 1 of “Opticks” Newton asks: “Do not Bodies act upon Light at a distance, and by their action bend its Rays?” Gravitational light deflection can indeed be predicted from Newtonian physics, only problem is the bending angle comes out a factor 2 too small.
You know this makes me think we could lessen the Wikipedia editing problems they have with a honey pot styled solution. Why not just start a new one, Trollpedia or Truthipedia and basically let people have at it. Left, Right, Up, and Down would have a place to rewrite reality to their little hearts content. For observers it would be the digital equivalent of going to the local zoo’s Ape house.
PK You mention that Hilter was a Catholic.
You’re very right. He was also born in Austria.
Did you know that Arnold Schwarzenegger is also an Austrian Roman Catholic?
Does that frighten you?
I giggled like an atheist schoolgirl. Thanks for putting this together.